In many relationships —especially romantic ones— the dilemma often arises:
should I please the other, or stay true to myself?
And sometimes, the fear of creating conflict leads us to choose the other… again and again.
But when we constantly avoid conflict, we also avoid vital parts of who we are.
The price of avoidance
Maria (not her real name), a recent client, shared something very common:
she would go out with people she didn’t enjoy being with, just to please her partner.
She didn’t want to hurt him —or be left alone.
But her body was speaking: tightness in her stomach, apathy, ongoing discomfort.
She said it clearly:
“I wish I had the freedom to stay home and say I don’t want to go out.”
And there it is: when avoiding conflict becomes more important than your well-being,
you stop respecting yourself.
Where is freedom in a relationship?
A healthy relationship isn’t one where everything is negotiated to avoid discomfort.
It’s one where there’s space to say “this doesn’t feel good to me” without fear of losing the other.
In the name of harmony, we often avoid necessary conversations, truths that hurt but also heal.
But constant silence and self-suppression don’t create peace —they only delay it.
Conflict is not the enemy
Avoiding conflict at all costs might seem like a survival strategy.
But in truth, it’s a way to disconnect from yourself.
Someone who avoids conflict:
- Doesn’t allow themselves to name their needs
- Doesn’t set boundaries
- Doesn’t feel free to express their differences
- Ends up feeling lonely —even surrounded by others
A path to reconnect with yourself
In Gestalt counselling, we don’t work to help you adapt to what hurts you.
Quite the opposite: we work so that you can reconnect with yourself and face the world from that place,
knowing that not everyone will like it —but that it will be more real, and more loving, for you.
Avoiding conflict isn’t sustainable.
Supporting yourself is.
