Sometimes we find ourselves stuck in behaviours that hurt us:
- the constant need to be right,
- the hardness that keeps us from being vulnerable,
- the inertia that distances us from what we long for…
We know these patterns cost us well-being.
We know what they take from us.
And still, we stay.
Why?
Why is it so hard to change?
Personal change isn’t just about willpower
If it were, it would be easy.
What makes it difficult is not only what we lose by holding on…
but also what we gain.
Yes, even the behaviours that limit us can have hidden benefits.
Recognising them is a crucial step toward deep and lasting transformation.
What does that pattern give you —even as it takes from you?
Let’s take an example: if always being right makes you feel seen or valued,
then giving up the need to be right is, emotionally, like giving up love or recognition.
And that’s no small thing.
The “neurotic” pattern becomes a way to protect ourselves —
until we start questioning it.
Until we realise that what once protected us now keeps us trapped.
Investigate instead of forcing changeInstead of pushing yourself to change, you can begin by asking:
- What benefit do I get from this behaviour?
- What does this way of being protect me from?
- How could I meet that same need in a healthier way?
This approach doesn’t impose answers.
It opens possibilities.
Change as unknown territory
Like visiting a restaurant with a menu you’ve never seen before—
there are no clear rules.
Only curiosity, trial, error, and discovery.
It’s normal to feel fear.
Fear of making the wrong choice, of not doing it “right.”
It’s the fear of losing external references…
when in fact, you already got lost once: when you stopped listening to your heart to follow what others expected.
Taking responsibility and choosing
In Gestalt counselling, no paths are imposed.
Possibilities are offered.
You are the one who chooses.
Because choosing means taking responsibility for your life.
And that’s where transformation begins.
Questions to begin shifting
- What benefit are you getting from the behaviour that causes you pain?
- How could you meet that same need in a way that’s more respectful of yourself?
There are no “right” answers.
Only your own way forward.
If you’re ready to explore, here’s a space for you
Gestalt therapy is an invitation to look at yourself without judgement, with depth and respect.
A space where you can begin to explore what you hold onto, what you long for, and what you’re ready to transform.
