My dog Jack has a gaze that’s impossible to ignore.
When he sees me eat, he looks at me with a mix of pleading and tenderness, as if saying: “Please, just a bite, look how cute I am.”
And sometimes, I can’t resist.
Other times I can. But it’s hard.
It doesn’t just happen with my dog.
It happens with people, too.
I often give before anyone even asks. Just by sensing that someone might need something, I’m already offering.
And while it may seem like kindness… it’s not always that simple.
When does giving stop being free?
Thinking I know what someone else needs without them saying it is actually a form of arrogance.
And if I feel I have to give to avoid rejection, then it’s not generosity — it’s fear.
The trap of “generosity”
Recently I spoke to an older woman who financially supports her son, his wife, and her two children.
She gives everything she has, even though it causes conflicts with her partner.
From the outside it looks selfless…
But what’s underneath?
Sometimes we give out of love.
Sometimes out of need.
And sometimes because we feel that, if we don’t give, we might lose the connection.
What’s behind your urge to give?
I ask myself this too.
As a child, I learned —or interpreted— that if I wasn’t useful, I might not be wanted.
They didn’t say it that way, but that’s how I felt.
That belief sticks.
So giving stops being free.
It becomes an unconscious strategy to avoid abandonment.
The difference between giving from fear or from freedom
This question matters:
If you weren’t afraid of being abandoned, would you still be generous?
Maybe yes.
Maybe no.
What matters is that you can choose.
Because when you give from freedom, your generosity is real.
There’s no debt, no strategy, no condition.
Only a genuine act of care.
A path to freer relationships
Gestalt counselling helps you see clearly what drives your decisions, gestures, and silences.
Not to judge you, but so you can regain the power to choose from within, not from fear.
If now is the time to experience your relationships with more clarity and inner freedom, this path can support you.
