Throughout life, there are moments that simply hurt.
Unfulfilled desires, relationships that don’t match our hopes, goals we can’t reach.
Situations that confront us with a reality that’s hard to accept.
And that’s where frustration appears.
Our capacity to tolerate frustration doesn’t come from nowhere
It’s deeply tied to how we were accompanied as children.
If we didn’t learn how to comfort ourselves (or weren’t comforted),
as adults, we may find it hard to accept the things we can’t change.
What do we do with what can’t be?
Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation.
But it does mean letting go of demanding life to be different,
and learning to relate to what is, rather than what should be.
Phrases like “it’s not fair,” “it shouldn’t be this way,” or “I can’t accept this”
may be completely valid —
but when they become our only way of facing reality, they end up cutting us off from love, relief, and peace.
What if comforting myself isn’t giving up —but caring for myself?
Sometimes we feel that comforting ourselves betrays our desires.
As if saying “I can live with this” is lying to ourselves.
But in truth, it’s an act of emotional maturity and self-compassion.
Accepting that someone can’t or won’t give us what we need doesn’t mean denying the pain it causes.
It means acknowledging that the pain exists, it’s valid… and that we can survive it without hardening.
Being kind to yourself is also a form of change
Sometimes change isn’t dramatic.
Sometimes it begins with simply allowing ourselves to not be okay —without judgement, without struggle.
Letting go of the ideal, of the unquestionable desire, might seem like a loss.
And in a way, it is.
But it’s also a form of freedom:
the freedom to choose how I want to live this moment. Again and again.
You can choose to accompany yourself with love
If you’re facing a reality that’s hard to accept,
and you don’t know how to comfort yourself without feeling like you’re betraying something inside,
Gestalt therapy can help.
Not by telling you what to do,
but by creating a space with you where your truth can be held with kindness and courage.
