From an early age, we begin adapting to our environment.
We learn what’s expected of us, how to please, how to protect ourselves.
Sometimes, that learning becomes so automatic that we stop knowing the difference between who we are and who we pretend to be.
This is the core dynamic of what Gestalt Therapy and the Enneagram call “character”:
a learned structure of beliefs, skills and rules we develop in early life —and eventually confuse with identity.
What is character and why does it disconnect us?
We are born as pure presence.
But in the process of growing up —joining a family, fitting in at school, entering the world—
we gradually forget essential parts of ourselves.
We feel that we’re not enough as we are, and so we create a mask:
a more “acceptable” version of who we think we should be.
This mechanism takes us away from our real needs,
leading us to act from fear, insecurity, perfectionism or avoidance —depending on our personal structure.
The Enneagram as a map of forgetting
The Enneagram describes nine character types, each with its own way of forgetting its essence and avoiding pain.
Although we all share traits, each of us moves from one central core pattern throughout life.
A clear example is the Enneagram’s inner triangle:
- Type 9 represents forgetting oneself
- Type 6, fear
- Type 3, vanity or inauthenticity
This trio expresses a universal tension: forgetting, fear, and appearance.
And it’s here where many of us get stuck, repeating patterns that keep us from living as who we truly are.
How to move out of suffering?
The way out is not rejecting the structure,
but becoming aware of it and walking the path back to your heart:
- From vanity, face the fear
- From fear, remember what’s been forgotten
- From forgetting, open to the possibility of being seen and loved just as you are
This is the soul’s reverse movement, which seeks not perfection, but presence.
It doesn’t ask you to be different —just more yourself.
Does this story resonate?
If you’ve ever felt like you’re on autopilot,
like you’re living from duty rather than desire,
like there’s a more authentic version of you waiting to emerge…
you may be in the perfect moment to begin the journey.
A process made for you
Gestalt psychocounselling doesn’t aim to change you,
but to help you reconnect with your truth.
It’s a deep, human, mask-free therapeutic path —tailored to you.
And if you’re here, reading this…
maybe you’ve already begun.
